The Phantom Trollbooth
by beastlycharizard13
Summary: After almost getting found out by Sheila, Gerald meets with the other Internet trolls as they all discuss what they could do to avoid detection by the Danish. Set after the new episode "We****s Out". Spoilers for those who have yet to see it. Not part of RFSP. Rated M for the Internet usernames (that I made up) used by the trolls.


The Phantom Trollbooth

 **A/N: Well, I guess this season's plot is falling a little flat, because it seems like I'm having a more difficult time thinking of what to write for my post-episode one-shots now. :/**

 **But I'm only starting this at 11:23 P.M. on the 12** **th** **, so maybe I'll just sleep on this and write it later. Also, rather than another unnecessarily long author's note, this time, how about I just list my thoughts?**

 **Colin Kaepernick, what hath thou WROUGHT!?**

 **Can the next episode not have a title that I'll have to censor in the summary? I have no problem with following rules about having K rated titles and summaries, but this is the third time in a row!**

 **Although I guess "Wieners" has nothing wrong with it, but considering how it's being used, I'm just playing it safe**

 **So I guess Creek is officially canon now huh? Excuse me one moment… (Son of a bitch! *sigh*)**

 **On the bright side (for me), at least Heidman is canon. Then again, I never really followed that shipping, but I think it'll work…for me.**

 **So the person looking for Gerald was just another troll huh? Anticlimactic yet again….**

 **Why don't the Danish have the flapping Canadian mouths like they did in "Canada On Strike"?**

 **I'm going to need to replace my eyes after seeing Sheila pee on Gerald like that**

 **This isn't part of RFSP at all…but you know that I'm sure**

 **I also don't own any TV shows/franchises, let alone South Park**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

"…And that's why we're all here, as you already know."

DildoSchwaggins had finished giving an introductory speech to all the fellow trolls he had gathered in the mysterious room, including the newly inducted Gerald Broflovski, better known by these people as SkankHunt42.

But even as he sat in that room, Gerald had a two ton weight of unresolved angst on his shoulders. " _It shouldn't have had to come to this. Damn it, it really shouldn't have had to! People are going to know eventually…._ "

Gerald had only trolled just to see what it was like at first. He thought that it'd be fun, seeing every once in a while just how exactly the guy behind the wall of anonymity felt. He had, however, greatly failed to predict what would happen to him if things started to spiral way out of control. He had simply underestimated the feelings of potential victims, as his attention-seeking ways quickly drove a Danish volleyball player to her death.

In layman's terms, it's like they always say…it's all fun and games until some really big shit occurs.

"So…what exactly are we supposed to do, Dildo?" an obese 36 year-old man with too many zits to count, asked. "The Danish have made it their goal to eliminate us. We can hide, but we seem incapable of running at this point."

"You are correct, PussyNugget981." DildoSchwaggins replied. "More than likely, people are going to just abuse this new system over and over again. From the looks of it, this is all just going to create the biggest safe space the world has ever seen."

"Maybe if we lay low for a while and stay offline for a good month or two, they'll cancel the new reporting system."

"Still your tongue, BreathOfAss39." Dildo responded. "At this point, there is no turning back. If the world, let alone the Danish, wants to fight, we really have no other choice but to fight back."

Those words caused an uneasy uproar in the room.

"Fight back!? That's EXACTLY what they want us to do, you idiot! They want us to keep doing what we're doing, and act like they're not serious, so that we let our guards down for a day, and they swoop in and take us out! That idea is just BEGGING for our kind's extinction!"

"On the contrary, if you had let me finish, it is not. You see, I think I have a plan we can use to outsmart the Danes. One that will make sure that we can remain hidden until we figure out a better solution."

" _Oh God…why!? Why did I ever agree to this!?"_ Gerald thought as he panicked to himself.

"So what's your idea then, Dildo?"

"A simple, yet very effective one." Dildo replied. "The Danish plan to allow people to report harassing comments to their server, where they will then track down the location of the computer, therefore finding the person responsible. But, what if we were to outsmart them by leading them on some sort of wild goose chase?"

A murmur among the crowd led Dildo to believe that they were indeed unclear about what he had in mind.

"All I'm saying is that if we switch computers every now and then, they're never going to find all of us. Say I make one harassing statement or two at the computer in this room. Then once I feel like they're coming for me, I'll just use another computer in a different location, be it near or far, and we keep letting them waste their time and effort! It's a system I like to call…the Phantom Trollbooth. One moment we could be here, the next we could be there, and then we could be who knows where!"

First a long silence, then a comment of harsh disagreement from the troll known as EatMoreThanJustMyShorts481.

"Is that…honestly the BEST thing you can think of?"

"Got any other ideas, genius!?" Dildo replied, effectively silencing all that had murmured at the idea.

"Good. So, without further ado, I hereby-."

"HOLD UP!"

All the attention in the room now turned to the source of the sudden outburst, Gerald Broflovski.

"I-I…don't know if this would actually work. I mean it SOUNDS feasible, but…I mean, really, what are the overall odds here? We have an entire country after us now. It may be on the smaller side, but it probably won't be long until some of the bigger countries, namely the United States, get inspired by the Danes, and they also set up some kind of report center!"

"SkankHunt42, you seem to have fractured nerves or something, please just calm down and-."

"No! I don't think I can! I think I've gotten in WAY too much over my head now, so deep that I may as well have been with James Cameron when he arrived at the Mariana Trench's Challenger Deep…except I wouldn't have been in his submersible pod! In fact, just the other day, my wife got me a new iPad…I didn't want to use it, under the guise that I had taken a break from all electronics for a little while. But I wound up using it anyway, late at night in the bathroom, and she walked in on me and I hissed at her!"

"…So?"

"I had no other choice. I told her I was watching 'embarrassing porn' and when she kept pegging me, I eventually just gave in and uh…told her I was watching, uh…piss porn."

A few of the trolls tried not to laugh as Gerald went on.

"I'd…rather not say what happened next, but I think it may have traumatized my kids."

Three of the trolls couldn't help it anymore and they started to laugh at him.

"…Well, yes it does sound like you're in a bit of an expired shit-covered pickle here."

"Don't you mean, PISS-covered pickle!?" One of the laughing trolls responded.

Gerald rolled his eyes. "Oh ha ha, very funny!" he said sarcastically.

DildoSchwaggins spoke up again. "Nobody here is really forcing you to take part in this idea, SkankHunt42. If you don't want to participate, that is entirely your decision."

Gerald thought about the circumstances for a little bit, and ultimately realized that someone was going to find him eventually, and that'd it probably be his family. Thinking that he had no other options better than this, he decided to just give in and give up.

"No…you're right."

"So you'll do it then?"

"I will. I'll do it. I'll take part in…the Phantom Trollbooth."

* * *

 **A/N: I suppose that one turned out better than I thought, but I'll leave that decision up to you guys.**

 **As far as my theories go, I now believe that the member berries must be connected with the Danes in some way. I also think that the Danes realize that people are just going to abuse their system, but that that is their intent.**

 **Also, is it possible that Cartman is just using Heidi to further their interests, or vice versa? Could Freja Ollegard have faked her suicide? Did the Danes intend for that to happen?**

 **The plot's going along a bit slow if you ask me, and I guess they're not going to have any filler episodes like they did last year. But anyways, I hope y'all enjoyed it and I'll see you guys later! :)**


End file.
